Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
