I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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