They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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