I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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