Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
