Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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