dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
