And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
