she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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