Don't you send me to vm
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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