The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
