oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
