just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
