I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
