Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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