honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Acid is not a monday night drug
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
