Who wears a wallet chain?!
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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