I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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