dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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