I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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