It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
