Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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