sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
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he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
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How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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