drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
