Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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