I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
