my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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