and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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