Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
