"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
