How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
