My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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