Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
