the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
