I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
