He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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