508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
