we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
