i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Your penis caused this!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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