I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
