my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
