we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
