Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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