Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You ruined the universe
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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