yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
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Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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