have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
