i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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