Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
