Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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