Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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