that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
