i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
