they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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