Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
