i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
