Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
