using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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