im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
